I’m just here for the view. Okay, maybe for some serious soul-searching as well. Try to understand, by telling myself it’s only the view, I’m spared some serious anxiety. The term “soul-searching” carries a lot of weight with it. A person cannot force those things. Of course going with the flow, releasing expectations, learning to cope – all are good practices that hopefully lead a person to self-discovery. But the future has a way of throwing us curveballs. You can’t schedule an epiphany, let alone imagine what it will look like. Besides, idealism is only useful when negotiating an armistice or while lost in a daydream. So when all else fails – I’ll look out over this new landscape and drift into the daydream. The one I came here for as an armistice of sorts; between me and my soul. The one that I might will into fruition; manifesting a new reality. It’s merely about keeping a firm belief that my imagination is vivid enough to allow for such beautiful things to happen.
I moved to Yancey County, North Carolina for many reasons. None of which was to write a blog. I really needed a fresh start far away from everything. Although when I envision that new life, writing a blog seems necessary; mandatory, even. I’d like a record of everything, and things might get interesting. This whole “in the public eye” aspect is just sort of a safe-measure or a method of keeping accountability. I really can’t afford to mess this up. Literally or figuratively. I also can’t pretend, lie to myself, or hide from the world if there’s a chance someone is watching (or reading). The isolation of where I chose to live, not having any social safety nets, and being on my own for the first time since…ever; all of it screams “accountability!”. Besides, I love to write and I always wanted to try my hand at blogging.
So here we are.
There’s no telling exactly where this blog will take us. I cannot in good faith categorize the “niche” I want to embody (which is what all the pros will claim is step one when starting a blog). I’m up for any adventure and this area of the country is a vacation spot of sorts. Opportunities abound for outdoor hobbies I enjoy such as skiing, mountain biking, kayaking, and hiking. So sometimes my posts will traverse into a travel blog. I’d also really like to be successful living entirely on my own, potentially pursue some higher education, and within the next five years buy a house. I have much maturing to do. Despite my urge to avoid the subject, finance could be on the books. I’m also trying to improve myself mentally and physically, gain strength and agility, and maybe even become a vegan. Health, nutrition, and fitness could all be on the menu. Things here will be entirely open-ended…I might dive into raw spiritual revelations, or I may just complain about the weather.
Really though, I am walking away from a seven-year chapter of my life that was supposed to last forever; a life and a lifestyle I thought I was supposed to want. I’m doing all that while trying to avoid slipping into reckless, destructive, or addictive habits of the past. It’s a bit heavy and all too much to get into right now; not yet. But regardless I hope to find brighter pathways into how to love myself and my fellow man, and to attune myself closer toward a higher calling. I want to become a better me. Maybe this is what self-help blogs are made of.
No matter the mode or the outcome, the journey awaits. It’s time I get moving.
Love you Tay. The place you are moving to was made for you…like the perfect place I’ve always pictured you living in, thriving in. Life is very scary, eventful, and at times turbulent… But, you have gone through and seen so much and came out stronger on the other side. As cliché as it sounds, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I am so excited (and a little nervous) for you but I cannot wait to see where this leads you. You’ve been through some rough patches in this thing we call life, but you’re still here standing, surviving. You and me kid…you and me.
Such an enjoyable read! I know you will persevere and find out things about yourself that you never knew were there. We all have had obstacles to overcome and I know with support from your family who loves you and will always be there for you the best is yet to come! I’m excited to be invited on your journey! Like Forrest Gump said…”life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get! Hang in there! We are rooting for you!