Blue Ridge Reflections

Quiet Contemplation Along The Path to Self-Discovery

Welcome to my neck of the woods.

January 22, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I’m just here for the view. Okay, maybe for some serious soul-searching as well. Try to understand, by telling myself it’s only the view, I’m spared some serious anxiety. The term “soul-searching” carries a lot of weight with it. A person cannot force those things. Of course going with the flow, releasing expectations, learning to cope – all are good practices that hopefully lead a person to self-discovery. But the future has a way of throwing us curveballs. You can’t schedule an epiphany, let alone imagine what it will look like. Besides, idealism is only useful when negotiating an armistice or while lost in a daydream. So when all else fails – I’ll look out over this new landscape and drift into the daydream. The one I came here for as an armistice of sorts; between me and my soul. The one that I might will into fruition; manifesting a new reality. It’s merely about keeping a firm belief that my imagination is vivid enough to allow for such beautiful things to happen.

I moved to Yancey County, North Carolina for many reasons. None of which was to write a blog. I really needed a fresh start far away from everything. Although when I envision that new life, writing a blog seems necessary; mandatory, even. I’d like a record of everything, and things might get interesting. This whole “in the public eye” aspect is just sort of a safe-measure or a method of keeping accountability. I really can’t afford to mess this up. Literally or figuratively. I also can’t pretend, lie to myself, or hide from the world if there’s a chance someone is watching (or reading). The isolation of where I chose to live, not having any social safety nets, and being on my own for the first time since…ever; all of it screams “accountability!”. Besides, I love to write and I always wanted to try my hand at blogging.

So here we are.

There’s no telling exactly where this blog will take us. I cannot in good faith categorize the “niche” I want to embody (which is what all the pros will claim is step one when starting a blog). I’m up for any adventure and this area of the country is a vacation spot of sorts. Opportunities abound for outdoor hobbies I enjoy such as skiing, mountain biking, kayaking, and hiking. So sometimes my posts will traverse into a travel blog. I’d also really like to be successful living entirely on my own, potentially pursue some higher education, and within the next five years buy a house. I have much maturing to do. Despite my urge to avoid the subject, finance could be on the books. I’m also trying to improve myself mentally and physically, gain strength and agility, and maybe even become a vegan. Health, nutrition, and fitness could all be on the menu. Things here will be entirely open-ended…I might dive into raw spiritual revelations, or I may just complain about the weather.

Really though, I am walking away from a seven-year chapter of my life that was supposed to last forever; a life and a lifestyle I thought I was supposed to want. I’m doing all that while trying to avoid slipping into reckless, destructive, or addictive habits of the past. It’s a bit heavy and all too much to get into right now; not yet. But regardless I hope to find brighter pathways into how to love myself and my fellow man, and to attune myself closer toward a higher calling. I want to become a better me. Maybe this is what self-help blogs are made of.

No matter the mode or the outcome, the journey awaits. It’s time I get moving.

The Fool’s Journey

April 2, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Here I am, trying to create something meaningful from the chaotic void. It’s fitting I return to writing this blog on April 1st, April Fool’s Day. I’ve come to realize in this life, whether I’ve meant to or not, I’ve played the fool quite often. I think we all do more than we care to admit. It’s not always a bad thing. Being foolish can somehow also be clever.

We believe what we want to in order to maintain an even-keel, a reason to keep going. In the Major Arcana cards of the Tarot, the fool represents adventures, spontaneity, and new horizons. It’s the very first card, leading the way into the unknown toward whatever is to come – with an almost blind faith that the road will bring about something spectacular. I’m learning quickly that mindset may not be so bad to have while navigating through life.

It certainly beats the alternative.

A cynic could be considered the opposite of the fool. A cynic scoffs and is the first to shout out, “Fool!” in a demeaning way that elicits shame and guilt. A cynic sees no adventure, no new horizons. So, maybe the key is to put more stock into our innate foolishness. To encourage within ourselves an innocence and an earnestness that keeps us from becoming a cynic. This past month, I’ve waivered back and forth between the two sides as if my soul was unsure which fate it preferred.

Yet, with the help of my wonderful, supportive mother and a new beagle puppy I’ve adopted, I’ve become acutely aware which path I prefer. I’m going to continue what’s in my nature and embrace the fool’s journey. That way, I’ll learn to see my fumbles as pathways to strength, my errors in judgement as lessons to bring wisdom. And that by doing so, I’ll beat back the cynic and become unafraid of the path stretched out before me. For there is such a thing as a wise and brave fool.

More to come.

When All is Said and Done

February 10, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Everything will change. There may in fact be nothing as constant. There’s no stopping it. We are all at the whims of a great unfurling for which we must surrender. The universe will shift and shake, and stir-up that which had just become still and settled. It can be a painful inconvenience or even a violently unsettling, harsh reality. Comfort, quiet, calm; none of these are long-lasting or permanent, despite our best efforts.

For the past several months I have been plagued by unwanted changes, as though some unholy entity rose from the shadows and decided – it was time. Dramatic? Sure! But that’s the nature of these beasts. In a matter of months everything I ever thought I knew about myself, others, and the world at large was shattered. Piece by piece, all parts of my life were tragically disassembled. A peaceful existence formed by love and good intentions soon mutated into a maelstrom which wreaked havoc on the shores of what we had built together. Comfort and safety did not withstand complacency or resentment. Patience and kindness waned, until there was nothing left but loss and confusion.

Now in the last hours of that life, all the conflict has subsided. There is nothing left but the original, simple – true love, which I’ve learned may change forms but nevertheless endures. Dinner felt like it was five years prior. Like nothing bad had ever happened. We laughed and joked and teased like the real family we once were. But tonights dinner was indeed different. A silent exchange of glances was made that signaled the end of everything we knew, of everything familiar we shared. It was over. It had been in the making for months. The dates were set in stone last fall. But we never thought the moment would be real until that glance was finally made.

The night before, I had broken down as I locked the door for us and turned out the lights – my last valiant act of protection I’d ever bestow upon what we had together.

Tomorrow when the sun rises, I will walk away from our home for the last time. The beautiful palace of a home, once meticulously curated to be as comfortable and inviting as possible. Where we provided everything we could and more for each other, yet in retrospect both seemed to undervalue the true worth of each others actions. We seemed to miss the mark on the future we had hoped for. We had every opportunity and still squandered something that’s now painfully beautiful to remember. But, its too late now. There’s no use looking back.

A new home and a new life await me. Distant from the maddening city and nestled deep in the mountains. A humble little place to call my own, with little expectations and hopefully no resentments or complacency. That I can somehow fill this one with more love and acceptance than the one before is my only hope. Where to begin? Practicing self-love and self-acceptance seems like a good place to start. I want to heal and find peace. It’s imperative I do. If I can use this new time and place to the fullest, there’s no telling what wonderful changes the future will bring.

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